I was conflicted about whether or not I wanted to write this out publicly, privately or not at all. But I also realize that even if I am conflicted now, I know I have never regretted documenting experiences in my life. So, if you are reading this it means I decided to share my birth story with you.

Overall my pregnancy had been quite smooth and uneventful. We had an early genetic disease scare but other than that things were smooth sailing. My blood pressure was amazing, my weight gain was minimal and there were no concerns. My OB actually thought I had a chance of going to week 41 as a first time mom. Since there were no concerns, once I hit week 36 I was allowed the chance to have virtual OB visits for the remaining weeks 37-40. I would still get my high res ultrasounds at the specialist office. For my virtual visits I would take my blood pressure and weight at home and then discuss any concerns and questions with my doctor. I had already had at least one virtual appointment prior to week 36.

For my 37 week virtual appointment on November 8th, I quickly searched the house for my at home blood pressure cuff. It had been quite a busy week at work and my appointment was 5pm, so I hadn’t had an earlier moment to take my pressure and weight. So, five minutes before my appointment imagine my shock was my blood pressure reading was off the chart. I quickly redid the reading on the opposite hand, and then redid them over and over again wondering why the numbers were so out of whack. My readings were bizarre for someone who historically trended on the low side with blood pressure. I didn’t write down the first couple of readings.

A quick look at some of the readings I was pulling: (Systolic/Diastolic, Pulse)

• 201/131  101

• 182/110  106

• 162/89   98

• 132/81    108

• 150/81    111

• 148/86    103

During this process, I immediately figured maybe my blood pressure cuff was malfunctioning. So about half of these numbers were from another cuff that I borrowed from my mother. I quickly realized that the cuff was not malfunctioning as the numbers were very similar on that cuff. As soon as I shared the numbers with my OB, she had a look of concern. I also shared that I tried on multiple devices. She quickly told me that these are stroke levels of high blood pressure and asked me if I had any other symptoms like headaches, light headedness, etc. I felt completely fine. She quickly directed me to head to labor & delivery at the hospital. She said I should get something to eat as to not arrive hungry but not to wait until my normal dinner time to eat and leave. She wanted to be sure that we ruled out preeclampsia and told me to head in and quickly ended the call. I sat there in shock, like wait, what just happened? I then spent the next hour trying to get my blood pressure back to normal. I sat still, and tried deep breathing. It took a full hour before I was able to get a normal reading closer to 120/80. My mother and I contemplated whether we could just go to like an urgent care, but I knew that I should follow my doctor’s orders and head all the way to midtown Manhattan from Canarsie, Brooklyn. I wasn’t looking forward to this but I knew it was better safe than sorry. I called my partner and updated him on all and we kind of came to terms that we just needed to head to labor and delivery. During that hour I called the 24 hour hotline for my doctor. I explained to the OB the situation, and that my pressure was now back to normal and if I still needed to come in. She said absolutely and to stick with the plan and quickly ended the call. My partner was confident that this was just a false alarm and that we’d get some testing and monitoring and be on our way. I also didn’t want to disobey my OB, as I knew she would know if I didn’t head in.

I grabbed my already packed hospital bags and a pillow and we headed out. Upon arrival, they hooked me up for baby monitoring and did testing in which preeclampsia was ruled out. I had no protein in my urine, so I was able to breathe easy. During this time (and all week) I had been experiencing a lot of Braxton hicks. They let us know they’d monitor for a couple of hours and take it from there. It seemed like we’d be on our way soon. During the monitoring while talking to my partner, without warning 8-10 doctors swarmed my hospital room. The doctors had me rotating positions to find the babies heartbeat. Apparently, the baby’s fetal heart rate had been decelerating at a steady pace for 8 minutes. During this time, they didn’t explain much of what exactly was happening, but I quickly realized the severity and simply followed their orders. They had me rolling on my left side, right side, on all fours and more. I also received a shot in my thigh to stop the contractions, contractions that I thought were simply Braxton hicks. An anesthesiologist in the room started discussing my labor and delivery wishes, and mentioned the chances of an emergency c section. He wanted to know if I was open to an epidural. It was all TOO much and happening TOO fast. I was a little speechless. Once they were able to stabilize the baby’s heart rate the on call doctor was able to explain everything in a bit more detail. Apparently, ‘decels’ short for decelerations, are a big cause for alarm and often indicate that the baby may be in distress, or that the placenta was petering out which would ultimately put the baby in distress. I was given an ultrasound and my cervix was checked. I was still pretty closed, but slightly effaced. In good news the umbilical cord was clear. The anesthesiologist came back to discuss again my options. It was then that I realized that an emergency c-section was truly on the table. This was not part of my plan, though I know plans change. I had initially wanted to try a natural birth, free of the epidural. If I did not get an epidural but ended up needing an emergency c-section, I would have to go fully under via general anesthesia. This was exactly what I did not want. If I had to get a c-section I wanted to be awake via an epidural. But if I waited too long to go for an epidural and another panic emergency situation arises then an epidural would not be an option. I had a lot to consider. From this point moving forward I had to lay on my right side, since my baby did not like me laying on my back or my left side. This felt like torture. My bottom leg was going number but I was terrified to switch positions. Eventually the doctor allowed me to try switching positions again. As hours passed by, it started to seem like the whole thing was a fluke, and that I’d be able to go home. But then, the decels happened again.  The on-call doctor quickly broke it to me that I would not be going home for awhile and that I should get comfortable as it now seemed like there might be a pattern. They said they’d likely wait for the morning shift doctors to decide the next steps.

I was then moved to an actual labor room which a bit nicer than the triage room. But it also had the bright lights of proper medical room which was a bit intimidating. When the morning doctors came in I was so happy to see my actual OB. I wasn’t sure what her schedule was, but it was nice to see a familiar face. She also shared the same sentiments that she had hoped this was going to be a fluke. On one hand, we only know about the decels because I was being monitored and we don’t monitor all pregnant women during all periods of their pregnancy. So there’s this element of this could have been happening for awhile and it could all be fine. But the reality is we know that it’s happening so we don’t want to ignore it. Her suggestion in terms of next steps would be for me to get induced. I knew this was where things were leading but it felt heavy for someone to finally say it out loud. It seemed like everyone else was kind of tip toeing around it. I also think until this moment, my partner had still been holding out hope that we’d be going home. As I was in my 37th week, I always knew induction was a possibility. But with the risks of going home and experiencing these decels at home, the risks of having a stillborn loomed over me heavily. I quickly came to terms that I was going to have a baby three weeks earlier than I anticipated. The next step was to decide exactly what that induction process looks like. After conferring with the other doctors my OB suggested that we start Pitocin as well as insert a foley bulb and catheter. Originally she wanted to insert a pill into my vagina to jump start labor. But the problem with that is that there’s no way to manage that labor once it’s kickstarted. With Pitocin they could monitor and just the dosage as needed depending on how my baby responded. Since my baby was clearly very particular about how he was experiencing contractions it would be better to have more control over the labor process. I knew very little about the foley bulb but I knew that I’d need assistance getting dilated. I inquired about what that process felt like and if most women needed pain relief for it. My pain threshold is pretty high, and some women compare the insertion process to a vaginal exam or pap smear. I figured I could handle that. The anesthesiologist stopped by and again I had to consider whether or not I wanted an epidural. He also stressed that I didn’t have to decide now, but that their availability later may not be immediate. They also explained that the epidural is similar to an IV, in the sense that it could be topped up periodically if needed. I had no idea that this was how epidurals worked. As much research as I did, I always just assumed an epidural was a one-shot deal. You always read about women getting the shot and it wearing off, or never working, or only working on one side, and then they finish their labor and delivery in pain. I was very relieved when I realized that this was not the norm, and that I could ask for more medicine. I decided then that I’d rather be prepared with pain medication so that in the case of an emergency I could have a c-section and not require general anesthesia. This was my biggest motivator for getting the epidural. Once I finally requested it, a woman and male doctor came in. The woman inserted my epidural, but she had a little difficulty. They numbed my lower back, so the insertion of the needle was the easy part. But when she had to thread it, I started feeling all the strange sensations in my butt cheeks. It was truly bizarre. I sat completely still even though I knew she was having difficulty finding the right spots between vertebrae. The male doctor kept cheering me on and telling me I was doing great, but I felt like he really needed to cheer her on. But with his assistance she was able to complete the process.

Next up, doctors came in to insert the catheter and then separately the actual foley bulb. Since I had the epidural, I have no idea how uncomfortable it was. But judging by how long it took I was glad I had the epidural. It wasn’t extremely long, but it was definitely longer than a vaginal exam. They also started me on Pitocin shortly after. The epidural was truly amazing, as I really did not feel much of anything. I had no idea I was even contracting if it wasn’t for the nurses and doctors making me aware. I felt literally nothing. Similar to the triage room, I continued to have to rotate positions as the baby continued to decel. The nurses and doctors came in the room every hour or two to alert me of decels and to try a new position. Luckily, most of these instances they did not have a look of panic, and only 1-2 doctors came in versus the previous 8. Now that a pattern had been established, they were watching my charts much closer, so the decels weren’t being allowed to happen without intervention for more than a couple of minutes. The doctors did seem to be a bit distressed about it all, and we couldn’t really figure out why it was happening other than my body position. Every few hours the doctor would check my cervix and the dilation was happening at a nice pace. About halfway through the day I started to feel the contractions again. My lower back was on fire and all I could do was hum through the pain. I pressed the button to release more pain medicine, but I quickly realized it was doing nothing. I asked for more pain medicine and to my surprise the anesthesiologist showed up and quickly topped up my epidural without question. Let me just say, modern medicine is amazing. I now recommend getting the epidural early. It’s bittersweet in a way cause I did want to experience labor without it, but I don’t regret it one bit! During this time, the doctors also checked my foley bulb and it slid right out, which was great progress. During the removal, the doctor broke my waters, which I also did not feel. My mother visited after work and things had stabilized. As the extra chair wasn’t comfortable I told her to go home to sleep. I could not sleep, and just watched reality tv for hours through the night. When I woke up, I had another cervical check and things were looking good however the babies head wasn’t yet in position and my cervix was still high. During a short period after I began to feel some light pressure. I woke my partner up and let him know that I’m pretty sure the head is coming out of my vagina. He probably thought I was exaggerating but I literally felt like it was the head. He alerted the nurses and the doctors and they quickly swarmed the room and did a cervix check. The doctor confirmed that I was right, and that that indeed was the head. She asked where my mother was since I was about to have this baby and I let her know she’s home and is going to be pissed that she missed it. After that, there was no time for anything else. She quickly put up the stirrups, had me slide to the bottom of the bed and told me to push as if I was having a bowel movement. Two pushes and the baby slid right out. All I could hear was my partner saying, “oh my god.” It was so much faster than I anticipated. I managed not to tear and my baby boy was put to my chest for skin to skin. Tears fell out my eyes as I realized that just like that it was all over. I spent almost a whole year pregnant to push for 10 seconds. Sebastian Amir Buddy was born at 4:20 am on November 10th, weighing in at 6.4 ounces. What an experience.

P.S. They don’t talk about postpartum recovery enough. Just wow.